Sundays
by Hachi Mitsu
Summary: Some things are missed only when they are gone. Somewhat from Heero's point of view. [ hints of 1+2 ]


Sundays

By Hachi Mitsu 

09.01.00

People are only who they are.

And lost in the depth of every mind,

Is a soul withering to death.

Leaving only a hallow body.

Left to live life, the way we were taught to.

Sunday afternoon. Outside, the rain poured down with all its fury and rage. But inside, Heero sat typing on his computer, as usual. The mission report, after all, _was_ due. He sighed, pausing from his writings. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered. To try so hard. Everything thinks he's the 'perfect soldier', but is he? Was there anyone under the cold facade?

Was he anyone at all?

The storm raging within him seemed to challenge the one outside. One with the power to wipe away the small wooden cabin. The other, able to wipe away the soul of the boy within it.

//Oniisan, are you lost?//

He couldn't answer the question. The sweet little voice of the even sweeter little girl. The little girl, whose blood he can never wash away.

The storm continued, but inside, the sound of agile fingers darting over the keyboard once more filled the small room.

***

Sunday morning. They were in a lull. With the strange luck, brought down by some sadistic god watching above, the five pilots happened to be together. Heero looked up from his keyboard as he acknowledged that Duo was the only left in the room. The boy was chattering on about something, which never reached Heero's ears. 

He turned back to the task at hand, wondering how long he would have to listen to the braided boy's senseless ramble. He sighed when Duo showed no sign of stopping. The god was a sadistic one indeed. Well, he could either sit here and suffer or... maybe answering him will shut him up.

"Duo, don't you have anything better to do?"

"EEEEE!!!! You actually answered me!" Duo practically squealed with joy, bouncing from his position on the couch. But then he pouted. "Well, Quatre is giving Trowa and Wufei and tour of the city. For some reason they didn't want me around. Anyways, I just wanted to know if..."

"Duo... that's because you're too annoying. Go away."

For minute or so, there was silence. Hearing no reply, Heero returned to his computer. _He probably left_, Heero thought with a slight touch of regret, and disappointment. Then he dismissed the thought.

He was almost completely immersed in his typing when he heard a slight shuffling behind and the closing of the door. Along with it was a light whisper, one that was probably not meant to be heard by anyone. But Heero had good hearing; it was a needed skill of a killer. 

It was Duo. Somehow it just didn't register in his mind. 

After a brief hesitation, Heero blocked it from his thoughts. _OZ headquarters. Accessing files. 20% downloaded. 30%. 50%..._

His mind filled with the unnessesary information. No it _was_ important. It was his mission... His life...

After a while, he forgot all about those last words.

//... It's just that, today is my birthday…//

_70%. 90%. 100%. Ninmu kanryo._

***

It was Sunday again. Sundays were the days that he remembers best. He remembered his first Sunday, reaching back into his memory; it was when he first met Dr. J. And then later, it was a Sunday -by L1's calendar- that he had first landed on Earth. It had always been like that since. His past filled with mission after mission.

Nothing else.

Heero goes to school to cover up for his real identity. Heero receives mission. Heero completes mission. Heero stays up late that night to reports back. Heero works till dawn to finish work for school. Heero asks himself why he bothers. Heero pauses, acknowledging the fact that it was for the sake of the mission. Heero finishes studying just in time for first period.

Maybe it'll always be like that. And if he tried hard enough, the dull ache in his heart would go away, like all the other wounds he has received in his hectic life. But something told him that it'd be there for a long time to come. 

But maybe...

Heero pauses to laugh at himself. The quiet laughter that never reached his lips or eyes. The silent mocking laughter that echoed in his mind. 

Heero continued to flip through the textbook. He still had 2 hours before the next mission.

***

It was a bright spring day. Duo and Quatre had finally managed to drag the other 3 boys out for lunch. Heero really didn't want to go. There was so much work to be done. But... He sighed. _Just this once_

Duo laughed giddily. His arms firmly locked around Heero's, as if he was afraid the other would seize any and every opportunity to escape. Then again, he probably would.

Walking through the crowded streets, Heero began to relax. Maybe a day away from the reminders of the raging war wasn't too bad an idea. His eyes were caught by Duo once more as the cheerful boy made some cheeky remark.

"Come on Heero! Cheer up!"

As they reached the restaurant, he actually _could_ feel a small smile lit his face. The other must have noticed too, for they paused to look upon him with wonder. For a moment, Heero wondered if he should be bothered by it. But some little voice in him said to shut up and just enjoy the moment.

He let the smile broaden into a _real_ smile. Tugging on Duo's arm, he led the still stunned boy to their table.

"Baka," he teased "stop gaping and take a seat already."

"Oi" Duo smiled slightly sheepishly, taking a seat where Heero had pulled out a chair for him. "I guess I'm still surprised that I get to be one of the scarcely few people that are graced by a smile from Heero!" He then ducked behind the menu, refusing to meet Heero's eyes again.

Finally peeking out from behind the menu, Duo addressed the group. "Hey, guys, do you wanna go to a movie or something after lunch? I mean who knows when else we'll get to actually have a normal day agai-"

"HEERO! HEERO! HEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Duo was cut off as a _painfully_ loud screech vibrated across the restaurant. The mind-wreaking shout was followed by the equally disturbing sight of a childish looking girl bouncing towards the 5 boys, well, accually, just Heero.

Glomping onto Heero like some horribly mutated leech- that could _really_ stand to lose a few pounds- Relena smiled blindly _through_ the other boys as if they weren't even there. "Ooooooooooiiiiiiii, Heeeeeeeeeeeeerooooooooooo, may I stay for lunch with yooooooooouuuuuuuuu?" 

Heero congratulated himself for not flinching _too_ much. He really didn't need this. Relena coming. Everything was going along so well, why did _she _have to come? 

Apparently, Relena was _not_ planning on taking a 'no' for an answer, and having no wish to kill the bitch in such an open area, he nodded with a silent sigh of longsuffering.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ariiiiiiiiiiiigaaaaaaaaatooooooo!!!!" The blond leach released the choking Heero long enough to grab a chair from a nearby table. After a few moments of attempting to stuff the chair between Heero and Duo, she finally realized the presence of the latter. "Duo, would you mind moving over?"

Duo sighed; Heero noticed that a stressed look had clouded his face ever since Relena appeared on the scene. "It doesn't matter, just take my seat, I'm leaving anyways." 

Only after being with the boy for so long did Heero realize that the smile he had plastered on his face was only a facade, much like his own. He could see in his eyes that Duo was annoyed, disappointed and all together unhappy. Sure, it was Relena's fault, but Heero couldn't help but feel that it was his, as well. 

"Duo- " Heero called out as the boy stood up and left for the door.

Duo paused. "What?"

Heero shook his head, and turned away. No. Not yet. He felt too confused. Goodbye Duo.

He heard a door slam, the glass vibrating. The food arrived.

"Oi! I guess Duo wasn't going to eat his food!" Relena exclaimed, chomping into the plate like some starving pig.

Heero silently sighed again. He let the stoic look settle upon his face once more as he glanced around the room wondering for a brief second if there was anywhere to plug his laptop into.

***

Saturday night. Heero was trying to gather data on the base they were about to break into. He glanced at the clock, almost 12, midnight. Duo was out clubbing somewhere, not back yet. He was worried, a bit, but the others were with him, so he should be fine, shouldn't he?

He didn't mind all the work, really he didn't. They were something that he could hold onto. Something tangible. Pure and simple. Besides that was why he was alive? To finish a mission. Or do whatever it takes to win.

_Information downloaded._

_Initiating countdown for obliteration of all traces. _

__*Ring ring*

Heero looked up from his work. The telephone. A quick check on the caller ID showed that it was from Duo's cell phone. That baka, he probably called to try to convince him to join the others.

Heero ignored the ringing.

_Countdown._

_10...9..._

__*Ring ring*

_8... 7... 6..._

*Ring ring*

_5... 4... 3... 2...1..._

__Heero sighed. All he has to do now is download the rest of the information and he'd be free for the rest of the nigh-

*Ring ring*

Night... it was hard, ignoring the ringing, but he promised himself that he'd make it up to Duo and the others somehow. He just needs to finish the rest of th-

*Ring ring*

...work. The little voice told him that if he really cared about Duo he'd be with him, not putting him off until _after_ he finishes his work. But... it doesn't really matter, does it? After all-

*Ring ring*

Heero cut off the rest of the sentence. Walking towards the phone, he yanked its wire out. Silence once more filled the room. He sighed again. Gomen Duo. But I'll make up for it. I promise.

He returned to his laptop only to find that while he was lost in his thoughts, the session had overtime and he was off the line. Meaning that he had lost all the information he had gathered in the first place. He would need to start all over again.

He sighed, burying his face in his hands.

//Oniisan, are you lost?//

***

Heero was about to start over again. There were no classes tomorrow, so staying up until dawn wouldn't be a problem. Not that it would have stopped him even if there _were_ school tomorrow. It just made the job easier.

*Beep*

Huh? He was receiving a message from a line that only the Gundam Pilots used. He opened the message, preparing for a mission. But instead it was a note, from Quatre...?

**Heero-**

**Please come to the BCT hospital as soon as you can. Duo was shot. The doctors aren't sure if he'll make it. Please, just come. It's not asking too much. Heero!**

**---Quatre, **

**(Trowa, Wufei)**

The door slammed behind him as Heero ran for school parking lot.

***

** **

****He reached the hospital in a record time. After locating the area where the others were waiting for news about Duo, he ran there, mind a whirlpool of emotion. But his face, as impassive as always.

"Heero! You made it!"

Heero looked up to the voice of the Arabian pilot. The face of the poor boy was filled with concern.

"Of course. What happened?"

"I- I'm not s-sure." Quatre stumbled with his speech, as if partially with shock. "We were j-just walking around after dinner, and D-Duo s-se-seemed really upset about s-som-something. But h-he wouldn't s-s-say."

Wufei cut into Quatre's stuttering, as if wanting to get the story over with. Not wishing to stay on the painful topic for too long. "He left for awhile, saying that he had to get something from back in the dorm, telling us to go on without him." Wufei paused, a small frowned marred his face. "When after a while, he wasn't back yet, we got worried. We went back to see what happened, but only found him lying in a pool of blood. He mumbled something about someone shooting him, trying to call for help, but no one answered. Well, we assumed that most people weren't around that late at night, besides, he could barely speak above a whisper, shouting for help is out of question."

So that's why Duo was calling him. The others had thought that Duo meant he was literally shouting for help, when he really meant that he was attempting to call Heero. On the phone. And he ignored it.

"We found him near the dorm. Maybe if we had found him earlier, we could have done something, stopped the bleeding, get him to a hospital."

_He_ could have done something. If only he had picked up the phone. Duo would have a better chance. If only, if onl-

A doctor in a white lab coat walked into the waiting area. "Mr. Winner? Mr. Chang, Mr. Barton. I regret to inform you that your friend is... dead. I-I'm really sorry, there was nothing we could have done. He lost too much blood. If only you had brought him in sooner..."

Quatre's face twisted into a mask of pain and distress. Sadness even found its way onto the face of the normally impassive Trowa. Wufei had his face buried in his arms. Trying to block out the world.

But he couldn't really see them. To Heero, everything seemed to have been covered with a fine layer of dust. Everything _wrong._

If only... 

If only...

He glanced at the clock on the wall. Sunday morning, 3 AM.

***

Heero stood over a black marble grave. On its smooth surface were engraved the words 

**Duo Maxwell - may the part he played in the war forever be remembered...**

He didn't really see the words. Or the beautiful summer day around him. Leaves rustling around. Or the single white [1] rose in his hands. Everything was a blur. Like just waking up from a dream. Everything seemed out of place. Everything seemed like it's where it's _not_ suppose to be.

Like Duo. He wasn't suppose to be in the grave. He's suppose to be alive. Next to him right now. No, someone as beautiful and lively as him was suppose to be alive. Not rotting in some grave.

No, it wasn't Duo in that grave. It had to be someone else, some stranger. Duo was beside him, like he always will be.

One of the thorns sliced into his hand, the blood staining the rose red.

He laid the rose down, within the shadows of the tombstone. It looked almost black. Slick with the red blood. Maybe it was meant to be like this.

Gomen nasai Duo.

Honto ni... gomen nasai.

There was something else he needed to say. Something that had tugged at his heart for as long as he can remember. But he couldn't remember anything anymore.

//Heero, are you lost?//

This time, it wasn't the voice of the little dead girl anymore. It was the tenor voice of a dead boy. Whose death he was also responsible for. And... it wasn't so much of a question anymore either. It was a sad confirmation of the truth.

//You are lost.//

***

My name is Heero Yuy.

I am the pilot of Wing Zero.

My goal is to complete the missions given to me.

Sometimes I wonder if there's more to my life than a series of meaningless tasks, done to bring peace to a world that was never meant to achieve peace. To a world where peace only means a period of time when dead soldiers are mourned. Put away. Replaced. And that I'm only just another one of these people, fooled into a life of killing and destroying, rewarded only with death.

But then I remembered that this was the only life I have. The only one I have claim to. And death is the only thing I still welcome.

My name is Heero Yuy

I don't really belong to this world. And though sometimes I wish I did, I know it'll never be that way.

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[1] a white rose in Asia meant death :) just thought you'd like to know. I've always found that way weird.

I mean, if white meant death, then what meant live? Pink? ::shivers with disgust::

AN: ooooh! This has got to be the best thing I've ever written . in my humble opinion of course! 

So please go boost my ego by writing up a review *_* pleeeeeaaase?


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